This movie is about a monkey that steals things. Pretty much one of the greatest films ever made. The lack of dinosaurs was disappointing, but the inclusion of a frigging monkey that steals things was not. The highlight of this movie was the part where the monkey steals things. We also liked the mischief. All in all, we say this is a fine family film. By that, we mean you should take your family to see it, and then wish you had a frigging monkey that steals things. Maybe then your family wouldn’t hate you so much and steal all your shit.
Review by our creepy co-workers Creepstreet™. Rules for intoxication after the jump.
Just when we thought we couldn’t love Lars Von Trier any more for making a five-hour long porn comedy rated DGI for Dongs Going In, he releases the full-length trailer which features a vulva close-up in the first two seconds and is bookended by Rammstein music
Nymphomaniac doesn’t open until Christmas Day in Denmark. The film features full penetration (with the lead actors’ torsos digitally grafted to their body doubles like fuck centaurs) and the story that Shia LaBeouf won his part by sending Von Trier sex tapes of LaBeouf and his girlfriend. AMAZING.
Dudes falling in love with computers. Not in the way it happens now, where cats get involved in Catfish situations or get hooked on jerking illz to the p-nos, that’s dudes falling in love with what’s in the computer. This movie is about real love with your OS. Straight up love notes to Windows 95 and shit.
A team of kill crazy short-circuited security robots chase a bunch of 80′s teens (including B-movie vintage boners: Kelli Maroney and Barbara Crampton) decked out in poofy hair and Shah Safari shirts around the mall one night and blow them up with lasers and stuff.
So Keanu Reeves has got two martial arts movies on the way – Man Of Tai Chi (which he also directed) and 47 Ronin. Personally we think Man Of Tai Chi looks better, but 47 Ronin looks FUCKING MENTAL WHAT. We certainly didn’t expect this when we first heard about the film, but it seems they’ve gone the whole sandman/dragon/fire-breathing/goblin route with the whole thing.
We’re gonna fucking watch it we’ll tell you that for free.
11 August draws near, when the final eight episodes of Breaking Bad start. Fuuuuuuuuuuck. At the Breaking Bad panel at Comic-Con, they showed this recap video of everything that’s happened so far. DON’T WATCH THIS IF YOU AREN’T UP TO DATE ON BREAKING BAD. FOR FUCK’S SAKE. DON’T.