DUDE WE WANT THAT: BEER BELLY FANNY PACK
The Dadbag beer belly fanny pack is right up our alley.
It's a totally functional fanny pack, with a zippered pouch large enough to hold your keys, wallet, phone, a can of beer, and other lame ass festival necessities.
The only downside to the Dadbag that we can see is that you can't buy it yet. At printing, designer Albert Pukies (fitting name) was looking for production partners, since he knows once the world gets a load of these hot, hairy, puckered, flabby, and sunburned paunch pouches (he's got a whole line of Dadbags, not just the single bowl of jelly you see above) there's no way he's going to be able to keep up with orders on his own.